we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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