hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
