Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize