I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
