she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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