the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Do vagina's smell?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
