We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
This is classic penis vs brain.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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