I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
