it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
