It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
operation harelip BJ is a go
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
