This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
