well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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