the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
