That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
