So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
