My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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