it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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