i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
