i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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