I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Drake has all the answers
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
