Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
