Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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