party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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