no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
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Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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