these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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