I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
