A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
