My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
