Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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