so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
