lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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