one two three fourrrrnication!
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
