she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize