I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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