it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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