in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
