I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
