and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Every concussion has its silver lining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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