part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Randomize
