You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
vagina is talking i cant
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
