I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
