look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
