Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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