I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
