They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Help. Why am I so naked?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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