we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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