The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
