Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
