im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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