My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
