her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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