I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
