do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
