see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
