some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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