I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I pour the whiskey from now on
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
