I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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