I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
