So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
