and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
