lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
