Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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