UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
